No One Else To Blame


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What’s wrong with our world today? Our kids don’t like to go outside and play. They stayed glued to the television as if it was the last day before the cable gets shut off. They are constantly looking down at their electronic devices, using them to type messages rather than communicate verbally with their friends. Everything is electronic now. You rarely see a kid on his bike any more. Most toddlers are riding battery operated toy cars. What’s happened to our youth? Are they to blame for taking advantage of the high tech age they live in?

I’m 40 years old now, and I look back on my youth and reminisce about all of the stuff I did growing up. Getting a bike for Christmas was always the highlight of my existence. I looked forward to riding it to my friends house all summer long. I rode my bike to baseball practice every afternoon. It made me mobile! Today, the word “mobile” is used to refer to an iPhone.

I watched one cartoon everyday after school. ONE! That was it. It was Tom & Jerry and it was only thirty minutes in duration. When it was done, outside I went! I had no preconceived idea about what I was going to do with my afternoon. I just went out and found SOMETHING to do. Our parents had to go out looking for us to get us to come back inside. They ALWAYS knew where to find us. And, they knew the phone numbers of each and every one of our friends.

As children, we hated getting up early every morning, but did so anyway. Our bodies just woke us up on time because we didn’t spend all night Facebooking or watching The Cartoon Network. Oh, but when Saturday rolled around, we were up at the crack of dawn! Everyone knew that all of the best cartoons were on at that time! We watched cartoons from 6am to 12pm. That’s right, we vegged for 4 hours and no one judged us for it. Mom and dad were usually home on Saturdays and breakfast and lunch were the best meals we’ve had all week! Homemade pancakes, eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches… man, the list could go on and on!

We all had our ideas on what a perfect world would be for a kid. We all dreamed of a 24 hours cartoon channel. We all dreamed about one day having the ability to stay connected to our friends non stop. We envisioned a world when we would no longer have to pedal a bicycle to get from place to place. What a great world it would be if we could have music blaring directly in our ears, so that we could play it as loud as we possibly could without mom and dad telling us to turn our music down or shut our bedroom door. Oh man, wouldn’t it be great if every time we got grounded and sent to our room, we could STILL watch TV and listen to music and talk to our friends? We would never have to leave our room at all! Punish us all you want, mom and dad!

Our children didn’t create the world they live in. We did…

Love What You Do…


I saw a commercial once of 2 archeologists out in the middle of the desert. Braving what appeared to be intense heat, both men hid under a tent to get away from the sun. One of the men, looking exhausted and dripping with sweat, said to the other, “Man, I can’t wait to retire! How about you?” The other man looked up, smiled widely and said, “I AM retired…”

That’s what it’s all about! Doing what you LOVE. I’ve heard it said once like this, “If you do what you love, you can’t call it work.” – Author unknown to me-.

Currently, I work as a stock broker and although I love the world of investing, I don’t love my job. I am also a stand up comic, but I don’t make a living at that yet. I am still working on adding more time to my set and trying to move up the performance ladder, but that will certainly take some time. In the meantime, I still have bills to pay, so off to work I go! I am extremely thankful for the job I have though and I wouldn’t want to have to work anywhere else. But, I am certainly not looking tat staying here any longer than I have to. One day, I’m hoping the hard work and dedication I am putting into stand up comedy will pay off. I’m not looking for fame or fortune, just an opportunity to work doing what I love…

 

 

Nothing to Say!


I haven’t blogged in a while and have absolutely nothing to say! So here goes some of the randomness that goes through my head.

Men have an awkward way of sneaking a peek at the ‘goods’ that a woman displays while looking amazingly sexy! Take for example, a man who is introducing his date to another man, such as friend. That ‘friend’ can’t just ‘check out’ his friend’s date. It should be kept as simple eye contact and that’s it. But noooooo! That man has no control over what his eyes are doing! First, he’ll need to make sure he looks at his friend to make sure his friend is only temporarily distracted, then he has to glance at the eyes of the woman to make sure she’s not watching him, thennnnnnnn, he’ll sneak that peek at the goods! His eyes will momentarily cock over to the side just quick enough to make sure his friend doesn’t catch him and hopefully the woman won’t either! Ah, but this NEVER goes unnoticed by the friend! We know what the other guy is doing! Heck, WE do it too! But we let it pass…. It’s the bro code….

One Day Away!


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Tomorrow, I’ll be taking to the stage at Laffs Comedy Caffe’ in Tucson! I’m incredibly excited about it and can’t wait to use my material on a professional stage! I’m desperately trying to find a ‘clothing style’ for my appearances. After a 12 year marriage and 4 kids, I think I’ve lost all sense of fashion. I’ll be doing a little bit of shopping in Tucson tomorrow and I’m hoping to find just the right clothes. I personally think that when a comic is still trying to make a name for themselves, it’s important to try to stand out from the crowd. Kinda like watching an 80’s Glam Metal band. Remember those guys?They stood out! They didn’t look like everybody else and we were hooked not only to their music but their look!

I’m certainly not saying I want to be THAT outrageous, but I do want to stand out somehow. If I ever make a splash in this business, then I can tone it down and maybe take the stage wearing basketball shorts and my favorite t-shirt. By then, my jokes should be enough. 🙂

You’re so Vain!


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At the risk of sounding really vain, I realized that as a performer, it is vital that I put my best foot forward. And considering that I am the center of attention when I take the stage, I want to make sure that, besides being funny and entertaining, I must do what I can to look good up there! Over the past year, I have neglected my physical health and have not worked out much, gaining at least 10 pounds in the process. With 2 comedy club gigs coming up, I have hit the weights again for the past 4 weeks and have been extremely strict with my diet. In that short amount of time I have gained some lean muscle and lost a few inches around my waist.

I realize that in stand up, the content of the performer’s material is more important to the progression of their comedy career, however, as conceited as this may sound, I want to appeal to as many of the audiences’ senses while I’m on stage. If anything, looking good gives me more confidence to get up on that already frightful stage and I’m looking to get an edge on every angle of this business. There are so many things that are out of a comic’s control but, I feel that it’s vitally important to quickly get a grasp on those things you do have control of.

I’m at the age where health is more important than looks, so I know I’m killing two birds with one stone. I either get myself back in shape or start writing new material about diabetes and high blood pressure.

Tucson, Here I Come!


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I’ll be opening this week at Laffs Comedy Caffe in Tucson, Arizona! If you live in Tucson or know someone in that area, let me know so I can shoot you and them an invite! The club is great and it would be awesome if I could generate a good following there! I’ll be performing 2 shows on Friday, March 30th and 2 shows on Saturday the 31st. I’ll also be polishing some of my newest stuff this Tuesday night at Coconuts at 10pm with the El Paso Underground Comedy group!

Ranting to Create Material


One method to writing new material is to simply ‘rant’. Rant about anything. Pick a topic and just go with it. This can typically be done out loud or by simply writing it down. Nothing needs to make sense and nothing needs to be funny. Just let loose. Ok, here it goes…

Billy Crystal’s character in the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”, had it right when he said;

Harry Burns: What I’m saying is – and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form – is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

With those quotes, Harry Burns nailed it on the head! He also gave insight as to how creepy men really are. All men play the ‘friend’ card. That’s right, ALL MEN! I don’t care if you’ve had a guy friend for over twenty years! If you’re attractive, he’s always welcomed the opportunity to get a crack at you! Men can be that patient. They’ll wait til the end of time. This ‘friend’ of yours knows you better than anyone. He’s been there when you suffered the worst. He’s been there when you broke up with the love of your life. He’s been there when you’ve shared your deepest darkest secrets. He knows you too well. And he’s hoping that one day, you’ll see the you’ve shared EVERYTHING with him except…. a more intimate experience. All of the time and effort he’s put in to you is not done in vain. Ever notice how upset he gets when you seem to be making the wrong choice in men? Of course he’s upset! The only choice he knows you should make is him! He’ll listen to your most intimate of details of your experiences with other men and he’ll pay attention to the minutest of details. Yes, it pains him to hear how you were seduced and what incredible encounters you’ve had, but he’ll remain attentive like a trooper! He’s seen you at your most vulnerable and he’s been hoping that you’ll give in to him if at least only once. Oh, he will never make the first move. NEVER! But he will NEVER, EVER, EVER, refuse any advances you may ever make on him. He’s been waiting all that time so, waiting a little while longer won’t hurt things.

So, Omar, are you saying that no ONE of my guy friends is really and sincerely ONLY my friend? They all want a piece of me? Again, I’ll defer to another of Billy Crystal’s quotes as Harry Burns, during an exchange with Sally:

Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.

Ah, the Male Species in it’s rawest of forms! And before you try to take Sally Albright’s position that Harry’s theory cannot be right, remember, she ends up with Harry at the end of the flick. Chalk one up to the Ace up the man’s sleeve… the ‘Friend’ card!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFWGOKuFyjk