Stereotypical Basketball


This comedian totally stereotypes the game of basketball and the audience lets him get away with it! Even if you don’t like sports, this guy NAILS it!

The Resurrection and Stand Up Comedy


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There are plenty of Christian comics out there and the material they perform is often times, squeaky clean and non-controversial and there are other Christian comics out there whose material isn’t quite as clean. Although I don’t use curse words in my act, some of my material can be interpreted as less than Christian-like.

When I decided to do Stand Up, I decided to share the good, the bad and the ugly with my audiences. As a follower of Christ, I admit that I am a sinner and need salvation. In fact, for those of you that think that churches are full of self righteous people, allow me to give you the right perspective on that. I’ve heard it expressed this way before, “The churches are all filled with sinners.” I’ll add to that, Biblically, you cannot come to a faith in Christ unless you’ve admitted that you are indeed a sinner and are in need of a Savior, who has taken your place in the punishment that was supposed to be yours to bear, but has been paid in full by Jesus. This does NOT mean that you STOP sinning! It only means that you recognize that fact and that as you strive to live as He would want you to live, every day He helps you deal with all of your weaknesses.

I will not get into a sermon but, I wanted to express how I could say the things that I say on stage and still consider myself a Christian. As a comic, I’m putting it ALL out there! Humor comes from the reality of life and some of my experiences resonate with audiences because they too can relate. I’ve decided to reach deep inside my life and take out all the garbage and put it all out on display in a way that we have no choice but to laugh. I’m not proud of some of the things I do or did in my life but, the humor that results from it not only makes people happy but, keeps me grounded. I will never claim to be more ‘Righteous than thou!”, but I believe that one day, my life will serve as a testimony to others that Christianity is more than just dressing up in your Sunday best, going to church, singing some praise and worship tunes and tuning out the Pastor’s message as you contemplate what you’re going to eat at Furr’s Buffet!

When people discover that I am a Christian and then question my faith because of what they see on stage, I can confidently say that I will have an answer for them. I’m prepared:

1 Peter 3:15

… Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…

Who knew that Stand Up would be a springboard to getting a deeper message across?

HAPPY RESURRECTION SUNDAY!

Omar’s Patreon Site. Pledge your support!

https://www.patreon.com/omarcomedian?ty=h

Here Are The Things That Make Me, Me…


 

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  • I used to stare at the sun only because my mom told me not to. I ended up having to go to the eye doctor who proceeded to laugh when I told him why I did it. The real reason was because I thought that if I stared at the sun long enough, I may develop Superman laser vision.
  • I was in an elevator as the door was closing. A woman came running up to the door and yelled for me to hold the elevator. I didn’t think I could hit the button in time, so I let it go. In the process, we made eye contact with each other, kinda like when the mom in the movie, ‘The Good Son’, looked at Macaulay Culkin when she let go of his grip and he fell to his death off a cliff. The other person managed to hit the button on the outside of the elevator and the door opened back up. I looked at her and said, “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”
  • I faked a leg cramp during my first kiss.
  • I spilled a full party bowl of macaroni salad that a co-worker brought to work. He was way too proud to have me ruin it for him, so I scooped it all back up and never told a soul.
  • When I was 7 years old, I started a fire in my mom’s bedroom. My little brother was the only witness. I told him not to tell and blamed the baby sitter. She had screwed up enough already.
  • I used to work as a prison guard. Scary, huh? Working around all those thieves, drug dealers, and violent offenders. And that was just the other guards.
  • I had extensive schooling and actually attended school for 7 years. It was high school.
  • I started losing my hair at the age of 13. I had long, wavy hair at the time and I got my mom to apply hair relaxer to it, cuz I preferred straight hair. She rubbed it all over my hair and scalp. When it was my brother’s turn, (he was also growing his hair out), she read the bottle aloud, “Hmmm, it says here, ‘Do not apply directly to scalp’.” Thanks, mom!
  • There’s a mugshot of me out there, somewhere. If you find it, I’ll give you $50.

 

 

The Nerve!


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I did it. I opened a Patreon.com site where I seek people that wish to pledge to support me on a monthly basis, to continue in my Stand-up Comedy career. In exchange, I offer Exclusive Content that is created solely by me. Patrons can pledge anywhere between $1-$10 and I have also offered to donate a portion of those monthly pledges to a worthy cause.

At first, I felt really odd about asking for this type of help. I’m not trying to get rich off of this or anything like that? But, I feel that the comedy content I’ve created so far should somehow be rewarded. When you look at the big picture, I am an entertainer, first and foremost. Secondly, I create material that makes other people feel good. For the most part, it is people like me, and maybe even those reading this right now, that have made websites like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and a countless list of other social media outlets, rich. Have you ever stopped to consider that? Every time you post an original thought, joke, or idea on a social network, you attract others to read it. You do this absolutely free of charge! You entertain others with you wit, humor, passion, and then some! I can understand how that is not a huge deal to those that choose to contribute just to pass the time, or just to beat the boredom, but not me, or others like me. We work hard at creating what we do. And I’m not just talking about comedians. There are artists, DJ’s, poets, dancers, authors, all of which work hard at delivering work they can be proud of. You show your support by reading their books, going to their shows, listening to their music, or simply acknowledging their art, but in time, these works of art start to carry some value to them. And their creators start depending more and more on their craft to make a living off of what they do.

That is where I stand right now. I want to do stand-up for a living. I want to depend on my stand-up to put food on the table, pay my bills, pay for gas in my car, and pay for anything else that we should all be afforded. I cannot do that, however, by continuing to give away what I work so hard to create. While I will still provide some of my comedy content freely, I will eventually begin to phase into my new line of work, and when that happens, I’d like to jump on the moving train and not lose any momentum.

The site I created is simply my honest attempt at putting value in what I do. Those that choose to pledge, do so because they believe in me and want to hear more from me. Even those that don’t pledge, I know the support is there, because I see it in all the FB likes, and comments, and pics people post of the times that I’ve made them happy with something I’ve created. I’m not asking for a handout, by any means, rather, I am offering the opportunity for those that have followed my comedy career to see what else I can do. I’m offering Live Feeds on my joke writing techniques, backstage looks into stand-up, a weekly Video Blog, and a bunch more!

Nothing would make me prouder than to one day thank each supporter personally with an equal or greater offering of gratitude!

For those that are interested, here is a link to my Patreon site:

Omar’s Patreon Site. Pledge your support!

Thank you.

 

Ways To Know You Have The Mind Of A Stand Up Comedian


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Everyone with a pulse, loves to make people laugh. It is in our very nature to want to make others feel good, and laughter is a huge motivator. Not everyone, however, wishes to do this standing on a stage, in front of strangers, trying out original material written for the sole purpose of creating laughter. But, this does not mean that a person does not have the heart, or mind, of a professional joke teller. The following is a list of things that typically identifies those people who, without knowing it, have the mind of a Stand Up Comedian:

  • If you are typically the quietest, most withdrawn person, at a party: It is kind of strange to think that the most introvert of people would actually be one of the funniest, isn’t it? One of the most incredible traits of a stand up comic is that they are amazing at simply and quietly, observing the world around them. Word of caution; when you get these to people speak up, watch out! Hilarity may ensue and some feelings may be hurt!
  • If you remember watching Looney Toons in absolute silence: Although cartoons can be rather humorous, a stand up comedian watches them with a discerning mind. We know that cartoon is funny, but we try to figure out why?? The mind of a comic is extremely analytically geared and figuring out why something is funny only adds to that enjoyment, even if we don’t express it outwardly. I can still remember my old man walking in to the living room while my brother and I watched cartoons. Seeing what we were watching and not reacting with laughter, my dad yelled, in Spanish, “Rianse’, tontos!” (“Laugh, dummies!”)
  • You find the humor in even tragic events: In the mind of a comic, it is never “Too soon” to think of something funny in the face of tragic events. Although it is “Too soon” to express those funny thoughts audibly, a true stand up comic has the patience to find the levity of the situation, and use it at a more appropriate time. It may actually never be appropriate, but we’ll be damned if we don’t share those inner thoughts before our heads explode. Here’s an example: A father finds out that his 14-year-old daughter has already lost her virginity. Although devastated, the father can’t help but think, “Well, at least I’ll save a ton of cash not having to pay for a Quinceanera.”
  • You prefer to drive without the radio on: Most stand up comedians are entertained more so by the thoughts running in their heads than by One Direction playing on the radio. Even if the radio is on, chances are, we don’t even know what’s playing.
  • You talk to yourself…and answer back: Countless of times, during the day, a stand up comic has conversations with themselves. Often times, we are only replaying an actual conversation we had earlier with someone, that we felt could have gone much better. Perhaps we could have used more wit, or thrown in a funny one liner, but we missed the opportunity! How do we improve on that? Practice! Next time, it will only come out more effortlessly.
  • The only people who can make you laugh are children, your parents, or your significant other: It’s not that we don’t find other people funny, it’s just that we appreciate things for different reasons. In the case of children, we love the fact that they speak their mind and never filter their thoughts. Who better to find the fault in anything that a kid! In the case of our parents, it is more so that we have known them all of our lives and we know what to expect. Then one day, they do something totally unexpected and it cracks us up! I remember that I couldn’t stop laughing the first time I ever heard my mom say “shit!”. I’ll call that the “Betty White” effect. Oh, and let’s not forget our significant other. Let’s face it, you picked them because they brought a smile to your face, and there is no one better to laugh with than the one that shares your heart!
  • No humor is off-limits: Sure, you can’t joke about anything with just anyone! Sometimes you’ve got to know your audience. While it may be okay to joke with your best bud about serious issues, it would not be wise to joke that way out in the open where someone would actually get offended. Like it or not, everyone reading this blog has uttered inappropriate jokes with someone close to them. We will just leave it at that, okay?

I’m sure I’ve missed a few, but I would love to read your suggestions!

I hope you enjoyed this blog! :~)

How To Tell That You Are Still A Momma’s Boy


Momma's Boy

I’ve always been a Momma’s boy and I’m not ashamed of it! I remember that my friends used to make fun of me when they found out that I would shower with my mom. I remember the last shower I took with my mom. I got out of the shower, all upset and was like, “Mom, I don’t think it’s a good idea that I shower with you anymore. My friends are making fun of me!”

My mom was like, “That’s okay, mijo, I understand. You’re getting older. Now hurry up and get dressed or you’re gonna be late for work.”

Here is a top ten list on how to tell that you, or someone you know, is still a Momma’s boy.

10. Mom not only still irons your clothes and lays them out on your bed every morning, she chooses what you wear.

9. Your mom parks her car by the curb because she’s converted her garage into your bedroom.

8. Your Mom calls your boss when you’re feeling too sick to work.

7. Mom Still gives you an allowance at the same rate it was when you were a teenager; $20.

6. Mom still buys your concert tickets to go see Motley Crue and drops you off at the show.

5. You’re using mom’s second car so that you don’t have to buy your own.

4. Mom knows your Facebook login information.

3. Mom refers to the woman you’re dating as your “little girlfriend”.

2. Mom accidentally walks in on you and your “little girlfriend”, while in your garage/bedroom and rather than walk out, says, “Do you have any dirty clothes or underwear you need me to wash, mijo?”

1. You blog about your Mom.

Life from the Perspective of a Security Guard

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While I’m in between jobs, I got a gig as a security guard. I basically stand around all day and watch people come and go. At a recent post, at a grocery store, who’s name shall remain nameless but rhymes with Galbertson’s, I learned a few things:

  1. The reason kids leave the store empty handed is because, as their moms put it, “You see what happens when you don’t behave?”
  2. Wearing pajamas to the store will never be in the “In” thing to do. No shirt, no shirts, No DIGNITY.
  3. You’d better take a cart or a basket in with you. If you don’t, you’ll eventually stumble back to the front of the store with your arms full of groceries you didn’t intend to pick up but now need a cart or basket to carry.
  4. You can’t tell which employee is the manager? It’s typically the one with the tight pants and brightly colored shirt, carrying a walkie talkie, which nobody else apparently carries; not even the security guard carries one!
  5. No, that donut display is not fresh. Those donuts have been sitting there the last 3 days I’ve stood here. But they’re on sale, so you can’t beat that!
  6. No, I don’t care that you’ve worked as a security guard before. Judging by the grocery cart full of food, I can tell you’re doing much better for yourself now. Why are you even talking to me? Can’t I just enjoy my miserable job in peace?
  7. There are more men than women that buy a bouquet of flowers. Most of the men buying these bouquets always have a guilty look on their faces. Sorry to break this to you man, if you think apologizing with flowers is gonna get you out of the dog house, you might as well give ME the $6.99 you’re going to spend on flowers that your lady will throw away the instant you give them to her.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Yoga pants are not for everyone. I know it should be obvious, but some things just are not. Yoga pants should come with an obvious label much like a bottle of bleach that warns you: “Don’t ingest bleach”. It should be something along the lines of: “Objects in these pants may be stranger than they appear.”

Dating in El Paso, Texas


The last girl I dated was a stay at home mom. Her ankle bracelet didn’t let her go more than 10 feet away from her house.

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The Evolution of the Stand Up Comedian


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I’ve noticed an evolution of sorts, in the way stand-up comedy is honed. I suppose that you can say the same thing about most any occupation? If we all have to “Start somewhere”, then it stands to reason that, with the passing of time, you are never the same as when you started. For those of you that have taken an interest in performing stand-up comedy, or know and support someone who does, then read on as I explain what I believe to be a decent interpretation of the evolution of a stand-up comedian:

Starting Out

This period can last for quite some time. Every aspiring comic will start out at an Open Mic show, where a club, promoter or bar venue will offer an opportunity for anyone to get on stage and try out a set of stand-up comedy material. Anyone who has dared to attempt this feat will undoubtedly agree that, putting together a 3 to 5 minute set seems easy at first, but soon becomes incredibly daunting as the premises and jokes, that have been playing in our heads for years, all of a sudden don’t sound as funny when said out loud. But, we’ve committed to perform, so we will write and rewrite our little 3 to 5 minutes. Taking the stage for the first time is as nerve raking  as having the police run your driver’s license during a traffic stop. You’ve memorized the order of your set. You’ve memorized each and every word and have rehearsed your set in the shower, over and over again. Heck, you’ve probably showered at least 6 times on the day of your first gig!

This is actually  the way things will go for a while. Every set will sound rehearsed. The success of every set will hinge on the memorization of the order of your jokes and heaven help us if we have to deal with a heckler! That will throw us completely off! It’s not until you’re set sounds less and less rehearsed that you will be able to take the next step; Thinking you’re funny…

Thinking You’re Funny

Oh yes, you’ve perfected your 3 to 5 minute set and have increased your time to 10 minutes now! You’re on your road to stardom! How is it possible that other people aren’t jumping on your fan bus yet? You’re only a few months in, but how much longer is it going to take before the masses recognize the prodigy they see before them? You are now confident enough to invite your friends and family out to a show and you’ve even updated your Facebook occupation to “Stand Up Comic”.  Never mind that you have a degree, licenses, or a job that would make others salivate, stand up is what you’re proud of! It won’t be long before the comedy clubs hear about you and burn up your phone for booking information!

Then comes the “bomb”… Yup, that bomb that is in everyone’s deck of cards. You can’t avoid it. It’s there. It’s the card that no one wants, but comes with the deck. Ironically enough, it’s the “Joker” card. Oh, and you will soon come to find out that there are plenty of those in your set. This is the time that you realize, there are no short cuts in stand up. This is also the time when some comics face the reality that it is just too hard to continue and certainly not worth the heartache. Some “Jump the shark” here and others keep plugging along to the next step; Punching it up

Punching It Up

You’ve got your nice, little 10 minutes of decent material. It’s funny, but it could use some more laughs. By now, you’re about 1 to 2 years in and you are now starting to realize that you might need to put in a little more work before you’re invited to the Conan O’Brien show. Although you have several ideas to other premises, you realized that you need to work a little more on the material you have now. You reluctantly go the open mics around town but you are still being humbled a little more often that you would like to be. It’s tough to do the same 10 minutes in front of the same audiences night in and night out, but you continue to do them in hopes of saying something off the cuff on stage, that will result in a new punchline or new bit. It’s about this time that co-workers, friends and family ask you, “Are you still doing that comedy thing?” Endure this level and you’re ready for the next one: Learning to Write.

Learning to Write

You’re going on 2 to 3 years now and you’ve realized that there is more to stand-up comedy than just writing a clever one liner. In fact, you now realize that you still have a lot of work to do. You’ve learned about “Act Outs” in the past, but have been too hesitant to do them, after all, your jokes are great without the need to make a fool of yourself and act anything out on stage, right? Well, after a few years of watching other stand ups and comedy shows, you now see how the Act Out portion of a joke is the real money-maker! That’s where most of the laughs happen. But, where can you find places in your set to act things out? It’s gonna take a lot of trial and error, but what the hell, you’ve already bombed enough times to really care about looking bad on stage. “Efff it!”, you say. All of a sudden, something magical happens; as you’ve been working on your act outs, you’ve stumbled on other premises and other jokes that you know will go great on stage! Shoot, you’re getting almost 20 “Likes” on Facebook every time you post one of your witticisms! Now that you’re getting it, you’re ready to move on to the next step: Getting paid to perform.

Getting Paid to Perform

Chance are, by now, you may have gotten an opportunity to host or open a show at the comedy club or other venue. You’re not quite where you want to be yet, but you’re making progress. You have a nice, tight 10 minutes and maybe a few minutes to sprinkle around. There was a time when you actually claimed to have 30 minutes to an hour worth of stuff, but if you’re really honest, you’ll understand that only 8 to 10 minutes of it is actually funny. You’re 4 to 5 years in now and now realize that you were way off thinking you were ever ready for stardom. This may take a decade or two! At this point, you’re getting really annoyed by other young comics, who are just starting out and think they’re the next Richard Pryor, Louis C.K. or Bill Bull. You have promised yourself that you would not get too cocky and that you will always be realistic about what you’ve accomplished so far. When you think you have an hour’s worth of good material, you really only have 15 minutes. When you think you have a half hours’ worth of good material, you actually only have 10. Once you have decided to be completely honest with yourself, you can then take the next step: Learning to sacrifice your children.

Learning to Sacrifice Your Children

Don’t let the title of this section fool you. I’m not saying you’ve got to abandon the real children you took part in co-creating. It’s bad enough you’re already having to pay child support. That investment may pay off one day when one of your kids makes it big while you’re still plugging along at open mics. What I’m referring to in this section is learning to dump the material that is just not working. Sure, you got a few chuckles that one time at a bar called Ernie’s, but it was from a couple seated in the back that was laughing at a meme on their phones. You should be a good 6 years in by now and are starting to realize that not everything you write is gold! In fact, what makes you laugh, isn’t necessarily funny to your audience. By now, you’re learning to read an audience and are taking more risks now. Some of those risks pay off and others crash and burn like the dude from “Jackass”. (No, it’s not too soon. It was only a matter of time before one of those dudes earned the Darwin Award.) You are now very realistic about stand-up comedy and are in no hurry to get famous anymore. As long as you’re constantly coming up with new material and honing and developing your set, you’re happy. People are taking notice that you are not only a good comic, but you can actually write a joke! Now that you’re no longer self-deluding yourself, you’re ready to move on! Showing them the real you.

Showing Them The Real You

When you get here, man, you’re just scratching the surface! But, it feels great! This is when you are about 7 to 8 years in. Now, you’ve been on stage so often that you are not afraid of being You. Many young comics don’t realize this, mostly because no one ever tells them to their face, but, there was a time when you weren’t you on stage. That’s right, you weren’t. You were Dane Cook, Bill Bull, Bill Hicks, Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K. You were anyone but YOU! This happens without much realization. It’s just that you were influenced by those comics mentioned above and others. It’s almost like a husband and wife when they start looking like each other and acting like one another. It’s almost inevitable. But, now, you’re being You on stage. The real You. The You that your friends and family like. Your personality is really pouring in to your jokes like never before. No longer does your set sound rehearsed. It sounds smooooth! Even when you are trying out new stuff, it’s almost as though you’ve been doing it for years. If a joke tanks, you just plug along and your personality wins the audience over in the end! Some comics may reach this level sooner than others or even later. Whatever the case may be, once you get here, the journey has just begun. Hang in there and keep plugging along!

You Will Never Be An Overnight Success


Not getting the recognition, as a stand up comedian, that you think you deserve? Are you only hosting shows but think you should have a shot of featuring or even headlining? Or maybe, you’ve only had an opportunity to perform at open mic’s but think you should be given an opportunity at hosting a professional show? Let’s face it, we’ve all felt like this at one point or another. In 8 years, I’ve learned that when you think you’re ready to host and emcee a show, you’re really not. When you think you’re ready to feature, you’re really only ready to be an opener. When you think you’re ready to headline, you’re probably only scratching the surface at featuring. What a business, huh? How in the world can you ever know that you’re ready for anything? What can you do to get the attention of bookers or club owners? Well, I hope this blog will help shed some light on that.

I believe that the best judge on the matter lies squarely with the person that booked you or the club owner that has given you an opportunity on their stage. Look at them as the judge and the audience as the jury. The jury may render it’s verdict, but the judge has the last word on what happens from there. I have known a lot of comics who have not been patient enough to let a club owner or booker decide when they are ready to allow for the next step to be taken. Often times, the comic will jump ship and look for opportunities elsewhere, however, the process is then repeated at a new club or venue. As for me, I’ve decided to never take for granted any stage that has been offered to me. I have been told things like, “I don’t think you’re strong enough to bump one of our regular features”, or “I’m not ready to put my name out on the line for you just yet”, or “You can open here, but not feature.” Tough things to hear, but these words didn’t just come from people who didn’t know what they were doing. These were club owners who have a business to run. These are business owners that put their reputation on the line every time they bring a comic to town to work their stage. They’ve been in the business longer than I have. I was angry each and every time I heard these type of things said to me and many of these words were uttered to me as recently as this year! But guess what? I’m still getting the bookings. I’m still getting on these stages. And more importantly, I am still making fans along the way.

Two weeks ago, I had an opportunity to feature at the club I started at, The Comedy Spot in Scottsdale, Arizona. Not only did I have friends and family come out and support me, I had some new fans who saw my videos on YouTube, drive over 80 miles to attend the show! Both of my sets, one for an early show and one for a late show, went amazingly well. It seemed like I was getting applause breaks during every bit! The laughs were through the roof! At the end of the night, the owner presented me with an opportunity to headline a “One Night Only” event in October. I have featured at this club for the past 3 years and am now getting an opportunity to take my career a step further. Three years ago, I was featuring at this same club for 3 nights. Then, because my self promotion was not bringing out my supporters often enough, I was cut back to 2 nights and finally to only 1 night. I didn’t complain, (at least not out loud). I know that it is my responsibility to promote my appearances and bring people out to see me. If I can’t do that, how am I ever going to create a fan base? And, why would a club owner or booker want to book me on their shows? I’m not a household name. I’ve got no Tv or movie credits. I’ve never appeared on a Comedy Central show. So, why would I expect to get those type of premium bookings? I was lucky enough to hold on to at least 1 night! Since I was cut back to 1 night, I continued to post videos on YouTube, I continued to write new material and I continued to plug along despite feeling that I deserved more.

I’ve said this many times, “It’s going to take years.” I’m not talking about 2 or 3 or even 10 years. I’m talking about 12 to 15 years or more, before you can have a stand up comedy career worth talking about! I don’t live in L.A. or New York, where the comedy scene is booming, and although the local comedy scene in my hometown is a small one, it at least guarantees me 3 to 5 open mic opportunities on a weekly basis. In addition, I have a regular hosting gig at the El Paso Comic Strip, which is the only comedy club in town. It may take me longer than 12 to 15 years to get my career to where I am a “working comic”, (A full time stand up comedian), but I’m willing to hang around as long as it takes, even if my material goes from talking about raising kids to talking about the size of my prostate.

To all my fellow comics out there, hang in there and keep plugging along. Even if we don’t make it one day, we can all say that there was a time when we “Had them laughing.”

Anyone can be a comic, but it takes years to be a comedian.